The February rain has usurped the modest daylight. i lie here trapped in a body that rarely tolerates being upright and i confess ingratitude. Recognizing how blessed i am to be watching a tufted titmouse at the feeder on the hill facing my patio doors stops me. A pile of rocks and roots that is the steep hill a few feet from my window blocks the view. Or, perchance, it is the glorious view of chipmunk, wren, and squirrel.
The infirmity that keeps me lying and prevents me from participating in our society is the burden God gave me to bear. All our burdens are custom designed to help us grow toward Him. The gloom and haze that infects the weather and our mood is the very medium we need to move our gaze to Him. i only feel sorry for myself when i am thinking about myself.
i am not the point. Period. Full stop.
Repentance, metanoia means to turn around, change direction and move the other way. i repent of thinking about myself.
The only reason i feel low is that i am thinking about what i would like to be doing. Being is more important than doing. i am learning in the lying down all the time to be. To be with God. In prayer.
Ceaseless, relentlessly He pursues me. Like Peter, i look about at the waves and cry that i am drowning. How can i drown when He is near?
i fear because i forget to be in His presence.
The hill does not block my view, the hill is my beautiful view even in the dismal dank rain.
My physical limitations are not preventing me from having a full life they are teaching me how to live a full life.
i praise God for His extraordinary blessings! His mercy never ends!