Praising God in the Dark

The February rain has usurped the modest daylight. i lie here trapped in a body that rarely tolerates being upright and i confess ingratitude. Recognizing how blessed i am to be watching a tufted titmouse at the feeder on the hill facing my patio doors stops me. A pile of rocks and roots that is the steep hill a few feet from my window blocks the view. Or, perchance, it is the glorious view of chipmunk, wren, and squirrel.

KQzoK4%+TVuQ2twtOQpuJwThe infirmity that keeps me lying and prevents me from participating in our society is the burden God gave me to bear. All our burdens are custom designed to help us grow toward Him.  The gloom and haze that infects the weather and our mood is the very medium we need to move our gaze to Him. i only feel sorry for myself when i am thinking about myself.

i am not the point. Period. Full stop.

Repentance, metanoia means to turn around, change direction and move the other way. i repent of thinking about myself.

The only reason i feel low is that i am thinking about what i would like to be doing. Being is more important than doing. i am learning in the lying down all the time to be. To be with God. In prayer.

Ceaseless, relentlessly He pursues me. Like Peter, i look about at the waves and cry that i am drowning. How can i drown when He is near?

i fear because i forget to be in His presence.

The hill does not block my view, the hill is my beautiful view even in the dismal dank rain.

My physical limitations are not preventing me from having a full life they are teaching me how to live a full life.

i praise God for His extraordinary blessings! His mercy never ends!

Remember

i remember the wrong things. i make copious lists, keep multiple calendars both digital and paper, yet still, i forget things that are important and fail to reach my goals.

i blame my illness. i blame failing to remember my agenda. i blame myself. i pass out post-it notes to my family and tell them to be sure to, “write it down.”

i have a shelf filled with old planners and agendas overflowing with bits of paper flowing with all the things that i did do.

i have been guilty of calling that shelf the history of my life.

All the things that i have done do not represent my life.

i forget. My life is what i have done for Christ.

i have a little wallet-card that i received in Sunday School as a little girl For years i carried it everywhere i went. It had a picture of Jesus on the front and a verse on the back.

It was not a verse from the Bible. It simply says,

Only one life,

‘Twill soon be passed,

Only what’s done for Christ,

Will last.

i remember the wrong things.