Finding Myself

This is a post On Being a Writer: 12 Simple Habits for a Writing Life that Lasts ,by Ann Kroeker and Charity Singleton Craig; Online Discussion Group sponsored by Kate Motaung, Session 8.
Who will I find in the words? When I read the Word, the Bible, I discover God. I learn who and what love actually is about and why we are all here on this blue ball caught in the sun’s orbit. We are here to learn to live in the Son’s orbit by learning how to love. Just like babies learning to speak and walk we copy the one we love.

I am at the point in life where I look in the mirror and find my mother looking back. When did I start to look so much like her? People tell me my actions remind them of her. I am flattered when that happens. She was my role model growing up.

Who am I imitating? Who do I copy at this stage? Keeping Jesus at the center of my life, my thoughts, my plans, my hopes should lead me further into His orbit. I want to learn true love. Agape love is an action not a feeling. Real love is a choice to put others ahead of myself. It does not depend upon how I feel.

How do I find myself in writing? The truth is, I learn more about myself in my study of Christ. As I process His perfect example of what being a human is all about I see myself more clearly than ever before. St. Paul directed the Corinthians in his first extant letter that now “we know only in part”. We “see in a mirror dimly” (1 Corinthians 13:12). As I study the Word I catch glimpses of what the world is supposed to be. I see what I am called to become. I need less of myself and more of Jesus. John the Baptist told his disciples of Jesus, “He must increase, but I must decrease.” John 3:30. The more I learn to outgrow my self-absorption the more I can grow into who I am meant to be.

It is astounding that the more I learn about how things ought to be the more I learn about who I really am. I grew up unconsciously learning to copy the world. I was never good at conformity. Friends were conversing about followers and leaders. I admitted that somehow I instinctively end up “out of step” with my peers. My mother always quoted Thoreau to me and told me I was, “Marching to the beat of [my] own drummer.” Eventually, I gave up worrying about others loosing step with me. I just try to follow Jesus and keep moving. The wonderful thing I discovered is that there are many others marching along to the same rhythm. The better I learn to keep in step with the Lord, the more I discover that this is who I am supposed to be.

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To see more clearly and recognize the upside-down world for what it really is, I keep reading the Bible, contemplating the Word and for me that means writing about the Word. I process through the method of writing. Isaiah prophesied that the “…Word …shall not return to Me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose.” (Isaiah 55:11). At times the world appears to be a hopeless mess. Staying in the Bible reminds me that love is stronger than hate and good ultimately triumphs over evil. Self-sacrificing love is the road to true success and self-preservation leads to suffering. The meek are actually the strong and the world will be made new. In loosing myself I most truly find myself and in Christ everything broken will be made whole.

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8 thoughts on “Finding Myself

  1. Karen Brown says:

    Amen! Thanks for sharing this. It’s truly encouraging. And I love this line: “The better I learn to keep in step with the Lord, the more I discover that this is who I am supposed to be.” Great post! Keep writing, friend.

  2. carlybenson says:

    I love your post. I agree, time reading and reflecting on the Bible is so important for giving us a true perspective on life and helping us walk in step with Jesus rather than those around us.

  3. Debby says:

    Your closing line is my favorite: “In loosing myself I most truly find myself and in Christ everything broken will be made whole.” He is the only one we can find our true selves in and He is the only one who makes us whole. Yes!

  4. Tara says:

    “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God and the Word was God.” I write because of the Word too. Your post spoke to my heart today. I have many of those same thoughts too.

  5. Martha G. Brady says:

    hi amymae, i can totally identify with the inability to be able to conform well to others when growing up. i wanted to be like everyone sort of. but i was a little off center…to say the least! i just didn’t fit in for a variety of reasons…only one of which was that i was a christian.

    i loved the post:)

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